Chili Mustard Onions


Price Range: $$
Parking: Teensy lot, we parked easily on Erskine
Menu: Full vegan / American diner fare
Bar: dollar shots/bottled & canned beer/wine
Food Sourced: Organic/Non GMO
Environmentally Sustainable:
TBD
Outdoor Seating: Nada
Hours: Open 12-8 Mon through Sat, closed Sunday
Website: http://www.facebook.com/chilimustardonions/


Do you know how to say “egg” in Japanese?

“Ta ma go” is how it sounds.

It looks like this たまご, if you’re using hiragana.

It doesn’t have anything to do with what I’m writing to you about today, but I thought you might
like to know.

You can now call someone you know an
egg in Japanese if you want, or just say
egg outloud to yourself.

If you wanted to call someone an egg you would have to say “a na ta wa ta ma go de s(u).” That is how it would sound. It would look like this,
あなたはたまごです.

There you have it.

Anyway

Some days my tummy’s a mad dog and today is one of those days, and whew that dog is BARKIN! Woof. And when that mad dog gets to barkin, it’s time to hit up Chili Mustard Onions. Off to feed ze hounds!

CMO is a hot little pepper of a restaurant in Brush Park. Not like a hot little pepper as in the food’s spicy. I mean a hot little pepper in the way that it’s like a great spot. You can call a great song a hot little pepper and you can call a great book a hot little pepper, and so on. It doesn’t mean they’re gonna burn yr mouth. It just means they’re great.

All red bricked and black awning’d on the outside and red bricked and deep colors on the in, CMO is cooooozy. We figured the seating to fit about 30-35 tops. There are a bunch of bright paintings of faces on the wall. I tried to tell myself to make a mental note of who they all were in the paintings but all I could remember was Joan Jett because she was staring right at me while i was munching. I’m very cool w Joan watching me eat, by the way. It had a soothing effect. Like she was saying, “go ahead man, fugg that meal up. You know I would. I’m Joan fuggin Jett.” And i was like “alright Joan. I gotchu.”

For real it was that quick. They keep thangs
moving in there.

Walked in the door boom. Sat down, bing. Waitress right over, bang. Drink orders in, bomf. I got a can of Sierra Nevada pale ale and S got a whisky (served in a lil dollar shot w a tumbler full of ice, nice), bop. Waitress right back with the drinks, bzzzzt. Appetizer order in, bomp. 3
minutes and the appetizer’s on the table, bing. Main course
orders in, bang. Main courses out in another three
minutes, bowop!

***

For real, it was that quick. They keep thangs
moving in there.

WHAT WE ORDERED:

For an appetizer, we had the loaded southwest nachos. Waffle cut fries, with melted veg chz, some righteously tangy veg sour cream, w fresh diced tomatoes, green onions, and grilled Quorn chickun. The overall mouth effect was like somebody singing my tastebuds a sweet little lullaby “hush little tastebuds / go to sleep /mamas gonna buy you / tangy cream and chz”

But our tastebuds weren’t sleeping on this dish. They just felt like everything was gonna be alright. And oh my, they were alright indeed.

For ze main course, we ordered the Big Mock and the Beetball Sub.

Big Mock

You ever had a big mac, bud? IT’S EXACTLY LIKE THAT. Except you’re not crushing yr teeth down on the beautiful souls of lovely animals. The beautiful souls of lovely animals do not have a good mouth feel. They don’t have a good conscience feel either. It has that delicious charbroil taste, bright veg thousand dressing, w pickles and shredded lettuce, and all in that triple stacked sesame bun. It reminds you of something in the quiet little town of yumsville, USA.

Beetball Sub

Ohhhhhhh waaaah wooahh wah nah nah nah. It was goooood! You know the best part is? You can taste the beet, and you also can’t taste the beet. Int it great? It satisfies both camps. The beet lovers, and the criminally insane alike. Thick oh so toe-may-toe-y sauce straight lathered over top, fluffy sesame hoagie bun. The thing is on point.

Oh, and our fries were perfect smooch your fingertips fries. Lightly browned, nicely salted. Muah. A little kiss from the french fry deities.

When we finished our meals, our belly’s were buuustin. But hey, yr at a vegan coney island. Ya gotta live a little sometimes. And sometimes living fills up yr got dang belly to the brink. And that’s not to mention the leftovers.

And that was that. Those mad barkin dogs that our tummys were just a little while ago were snoozing soundly, dreaming little mad barkin dog dreams. Dreams about other meals. Other days.

Xoxo

J

***


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