Did y’all know that, as it turns out, fast food is actually bad shyt fer you to eat?
Headz up — I got another bummer comin’ at ya:
It’s bad fer ze planet too,
Along with all of us strange leetle beasts which populate it.
Oh, you knew?
I suppose I kinda knew too.
Guess everybody does…
Which begs a funny lil’ question; why in the great gawd dang cosmos are we still eating this shyt?
Seems like no matter how many stories and reports and facts filled with grime, gruel, gnarl, and nast’ surrounding the fast food industry that there are, we humanz just keep on bangin’ this filth down!
Funny thangs, us humanz,
Bright little critters!
Well, anywhodiddilydaddily, on top of what we all already more-or-less know, I got a few more little factoids headed yr way here for you to tack onto the ever-growing list detailing fast food hellishness.
I’ve tried to curate a super shortlist of thangs here that I didn’t know before, and to leave out all of the obvious schtuff we’ve known about the effects of the fast food industry forever; like obesity, heart disease, mental disease, unfettered animal cruelty, etc, etc. This should keep the mood more breezy and fun! ^_^
Well, here goes!
In yr fast food mealz, you can expect a fine melange of MSG, trans fat, sodium nitrite, BHA, BHT, propyl gallate, aspartame, Acesulfame-K, Olestra, potassium bromate, and food coloring Blue 1 and 2, Red 3, Green 3, and Yellow 6! Lucky for us consumers, these ingredients actually comprise two oft-forgotten portions of our food pyramid! These are, of course, the pyramid’s crumbling foundation and rotting infrastructure.
At many fast-food chains, management is awarded fat bonuses if they’re able to reduce employee wages to save the company money.
And to keep salaries low, McDonald’s and other fast-food chains have intentionally engaged in anti-union activities!
True friends of the working class!
Here’s something else that’s a real hoot;
A sandwich from Arby’s called the Meat Mountain.
It has every meat option available at yr local Arby’s on it.
That is eight meats.
Oh, it also has cheese!
Fer fugg sake… -.-
Chicken nuggets are made from ground bones, fats, and tendons
Still technically chicken, I guess!
And now, the sweetest for last.
At least some amount of fecal matter was found on a whopping 48% of fast food soda fountains! So just remember that when yr sucking down yr next 64oz bucket of Dew, there’s about a 50/50 chance that somebody’s gnarled butthole matter is swimming in yr bev.
I like yr odds!
Now you might be scratchin’ yr noggin thinkin’ sure, sure this truly is a nasty little list you’ve compiled. But what’s all this got to do w yr VegHedz Quick Gripz post, ma dood?
You may also be wondering how many fecal crumbs you’ve gulped down over the years too.
But while I can’t answer yr second and more troubling query, I can answer the first.
This week us VegHedz went to munch out at our first (of what will soon be many) Street Beet popup(s).
In their own words, Street Beet is a 100% vegan comfort food pop-up in Detroit.
Their main schtick is doing veganified versions of foodz from the big fast food joints — and they do it supa supa well!
*Quick aside that I fuggin’ hate using the word schtick, but that’s what the dang thang is. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, who cares? It’s a good schtick.
And that beats a bad schtick anyday.
Ok, enough schtick talk.
So far, from what we can tell, Street Beet’s pop-ups include McDaddy’s, Taco Hell, Pizza Butt, Trendy’s, and, the one that we just went and woofed on, Kentucky Fake Chicken.
Since Street Beet is a pop-up, the venue is always changing — we caught them for our visit over at Nancy Whiskey in Corktown which worked out just fine because, though the wait was looooong by the time we got there, we were able to order a bucket of six of the tiniest little got dang adorable precious Carona’s I ever saw and bang em down in the courtyard under the hot afternoon sun. It was more than enough relief to make the wait bearable.
And after about an hour or so (a usual wait time at one of Street Beet’s events b/c a lot of ppl turn out for them) we got our call to plop down at a table and get on w/ our orders.
As is the case w most pop-ups, the menu was short and sweet and everything sounded so good on there that we ordered two of everything.
Simple as that.
And, in this case, when I say everything I’m talking Fried Fake Chicken, Mashed Potatoes w/ mushroom gravy, Mac & Fake Cheese, Creamy Coleslaw, Buttermilk Biscuits, and Chocolate chip cookies.
And what did it all taste like?
Like KFC you wild old crow!
Just as intended.
I mean… it’s been a long long time since I’ve had KFC.
But what we had was wildly close to how I remember it.
The breading for the fake chicken was just the right thic ness, with deep flavor and all perfectly black-peppery-spiced. The mashed potatoes were those sort-of bizarre but supa tasty almost whipped-style herby potatoes that KFC does. The mac n’ fake cheese totally on point (though i can’t remember worth a damn if I ever had kfc mac before so it’s tough for me to draw a comparison), great simple creamy no-fuss slaw, melty rich biscuits, and classic chunky chocolate chip cookies.
I can’t speak for the rest of their pop-ups yet, but from what we had at our first Street Beet trip, we will for sure be making it back out for more whenever we can.
Well that’s it for this Quick Gripz, ma frands!
And remember! Don’t eat fast food! That’s some super gnarly schtuff. Eat Street Beat instead!
It’s not health food by any means, but it’s much healthier than the alternative for both yr body and for ze planet!
And, imo, it’s far better tasting than the OG schtuff that it replicates.
And for lawd’s sake…
If you are gonna eat fast food anyway, like some
Dew yrself a favor…
Watch out for them butthole infused fountain drinks.
We loved Street beet so much that we returned for their Taco Hell Pop-up! Pictures and menu included below